What is life coaching?
"What in the heck is life coaching?" It's the number one question I have received since starting my journey as a coach in 2015.
Maybe the question isn't worded precisely as that every time, but I can hear and see the confusion when I share what I do. In fact, every life coach I know has been asked this question at some point in their career. So I felt it was my turn to address the industry and offer insights into the most often held misconceptions. Some of which you may be surprised.
Coaching is not therapy
Often when I'm asked about what life coaching is, I hear, "So... it's like therapy…?" My answer? Yes, coaching is like therapy in some ways, but it definitely is NOT therapy.
There is a lot of discussion around coaching vs. therapy. Many therapists dislike the coaching industry, and I've witnessed indignation from some coaches toward treatment.
It would be helpful if trusted organizations from both sides (psychotherapy and coaching) would meet and discuss the dividing line of each - who handles what and how. But as of the time of writing this article, it hasn't happened.
To me, the dividing line is this: Coaches do not diagnose mental illness or treat it. That's the job of a therapist. There is room for both lines of work, and there should be. In fact, I have clients who see a counselor as well as have me as their coach. I consider that a beautiful partnership in having our clients move forward to a place they want to be.
I heard an explanation one time that I've adopted. If you want to build muscle, you hire a personal trainer. If the tissue is damaged and needs healing, depending on the severity, you either hire a physiotherapist or a surgeon. The same holds true in personal development. A coach can help you build your courage muscles and make personal gains. For an issue that needs healing, please seek a counselor or psychiatrist.
This analogy is of the simplest of terms, and there is a lot of gray area within that explanation. But I'm hoping it helps to add parameters that make sense.
Coaching is future-focused, but this can also involve your past
I often hear other coaches proclaim, "Coaching is never about the past... it's all about the future!"
This line of thinking always gives me pause. I mean, yes, as a coach, it is my desire to have my clients moving in a forward direction. I truly hope my clients get to a point where they've gained confidence and ways of identifying how their fear shows up so that they can develop self-trust and not need me!
But something that I know is true: We are a product of our past.
Not a single decision or reaction is made without some influence from the past. Plain and simple. But it's learning the wisdom of the past that can move us forward and keep us from staying stuck.
I explore the past as long as I feel it's essential to move toward the future. The difference is that rehashing without forward movement isn't progress, it's just an inner-loop review. It's staying stuck.
As an example, if my client is wanting to find a healthy, romantic relationship, we will be exploring past relationships. We will look at the unhealthy dynamics, how she showed up, and how she wants to show up in her next partnership.
There would be no way to create what she wants without looking at how she got to where she is today. There may be sadness and anger to work through - all part of being a human, by the way - but without exploring those emotions and past experiences, the patterns will continue. She will never be at a place where she can move forward.
Exploring the past isn't therapy. It's a discussion, exploration, and the only way to move forward.
Your coach doesn't need a certification to coach
Yep, you read that correctly.
Many in the coaching industry feel that will change soon as the profession continues to grow. But again, as of this time, it's not required. The industry is not regulated.
I don't want to say that coaches who don't have certification are "bad" coaches and ones who do automatically mean they are good ones. My first experience with a certified coach was not a good one. I did not feel she and I connected, and in turn, I wanted to become a coach with skills that I needed but felt were lacking in my experience!
There are many other training programs and certifications, neither of which guarantees that a recipient is a good coach. Some brilliant coaches are not certified, and there are certified coaches who I wouldn't want to hire.
Where a coach is trained is very much personal preference. And believe me, we will all tell you our training was the best! :-)
But honestly, a good coach is part experience and part connection. It's a relationship that is built just like any other. One built on trust and vulnerability.
I am trained and certified, and I feel that my education was an important one. As I continue to experience my client's needs. Right now, I am exploring more somatic work or how feelings and emotions show up in the body. I want to be the very best I can, and I want to continually grow in my own understanding of who I am as a person. And yes, I hire my personal coaches. Personally, I would be wary of a coach who doesn't have one!
Coaches are now being hired in all settings, from personal to corporate. Coaches can have a practice that is very focused, such as career, leadership, health, money, and so much more. But the underlying experience of working with a coach is pretty much the same across the board. In essence, we help our clients establish what they want to shift, we explore limiting beliefs the client has and why they haven't been able to make the shift themselves. With our clients, we create actionable steps forward.
Together with a coach, you can get unstuck and move forward in creating a life you want to get out of bed for.
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